The Seventh Gate is the Hardest

Hello, reader. Last week, we looked at Ishtar's Journey into the Underworld. This was a new one for me, although I've seen the idea of going into the underworld to get a loved one back before. It's odd that Ishtar totally forgot about her husband, but that made me think about how it might translate differently into a modern version than some other stories like this.

A quick programming note: there will be no blog update next week. For my American readers, enjoy Thanksgiving! For everyone else, enjoy your Thursday!

Passing through the first few gates is easy.

It was strange how grief hit you. It had been months since Izzy's husband had died and she had thought she'd gotten over the worst of it. Then, on her way home from work, she heard his favorite song on the radio. She remembered how they used to dance to it. Tim would pull it up on YouTube and swing her around the house. And she'd never have those moments again. Izzy pulled over and let herself focus on the song and on those memories while she cried. One more thing she'd had to say goodbye to.

Eventually, Izzy made it home, but she was too tired to eat. She dropped on the couch and stared into space as the room gradually got darker around her. It was so hard to handle these emotions all the time. She'd been having a pretty good day until then. But she couldn't hate the memories, and she no longer hated Tim for dying when they were both so young. She had been feeling so much lately. It seemed easier just to stop. Izzy contemplated this in the dark on her couch. She couldn't just turn her emotions on and off like a switch, but in that moment, she wished she could. It would be living like you were dead, but wouldn't that be better than crying all the time? Everyone was getting impatient with her grief, and Izzy was too. It was just so much work to feel things all the time.

Izzy must have dozed off because in the next moment, she was sure she was dreaming. There was a cave in front of her and she knew, in the way of dreams, that it lead to the underworld. "But I'm still alive," Izzy said out loud. No one answered her. She looked around and there was nothing else. Shrugging, Izzy walked into the cave. She was stopped almost immediately by a gate.

"No one alive can come into the underworld," the watchman said, looking down at her.

Izzy looked behind her. "But I've got nowhere else to go."

The watchman looked at her expectantly.

Izzy reached up and checked which earrings she was wearing. "If I give you my earrings, will you let me pass?"

"Done." The watchman said it so quickly, Izzy was sure he'd been waiting to be bribed. Izzy took off her earrings and the gate opened. She handed them to the watchman and walked through. She'd only gone a few dozen steps before there was another gate in front of her. Izzy looked behind her, but there wasn't anything back there anymore.

"No one alive can come into the underworld," the watchman said.

Izzy looked up at him. "If I give you my necklace, will you let me pass?"

"Done." Again, the watchmen seemed to have been waiting to be bribed.

Izzy went through another gate after she gave up her watch. At the next one, she gave up her jacket. After that, she gave up her clothes. The sixth gate was the hardest, but finally, she gave up her wedding ring. She stood before the seventh gate, naked and alone. "I have nothing left to give," she said.

The watchman looked down at her. "Give me your heart."

Izzy shied away from him and turned around. There was nothing behind her. The gate in front of her was all there was. There was no way around it. Izzy looked up at the watchman. He stared impassively down at her.

"Done," Izzy said.

The gate opened and the watchman took her heart. Izzy wandered forward, but there were no more gates. Her mind went blank and the dirt and dust surrounded her.

Izzy opened her eyes. She supposed that might have been a nightmare, but she wasn't afraid. She noticed that she was hungry, so she got off the couch and made food. When she was tired, she went to bed and then got up for work the next day.

Izzy could see that she was living like a robot, but she didn't care. She didn't feel anything about it, which, she supposed, was part of the point. It was much easier. She no longer cried, but she didn't smile much either. She just existed. It was a boring life, but it was painless and that was better than climbing a wall of grief when she walked past Tim's favorite dessert at the grocery store. Now, she didn't spare it a second glance. It was simply pecan pie.

This went on for some time and Izzy could see people worrying about her. She wasn't sure why. She had gotten over her grief completely and moved on. Wasn't that what you were supposed to do? Her family seemed to notice as well, and Izzy's brother Ivan told her he was coming to visit. Izzy liked Ivan so she told him he could. She wasn't sure how much fun she would be, though.

Ivan arrived on a Friday night and they talked about minor things until it was time to sleep. The next day, Izzy took them out for brunch and they went back home. They started looking at movie times.

"Izzy," Ivan said, setting his phone down. "How are you doing? I mean really?"

Izzy shrugged. "Fine, I guess. I don't cry any more."

"But do you laugh any more?"

Izzy shrugged. "When something is funny."

"What happened to you?"

Izzy remembered her dream, but it was just a dream. "It was hard to be so emotional. This way is easier."

"Making yourself numb isn't easier. That just means you'll have to deal with everything later. You're only putting it off."

Izzy shook her head. "No I'm not. Everyone said I would get over it. Well, I'm over it. You don't need to therapize me," she joked.

"I wish I could," Ivan replied, "but I can't be a therapist for my sister. Still, I can tell there's something wrong."

"Nothing is wrong," Izzy replied, "but you're starting to annoy me."

"Then tell me you're genuinely over Tim's death. That you feel the ache he left but you're able to handle it."

Izzy stared at Ivan. "I'm over it," she said, looking away.

"Izzy, this isn't healthy."

"Drop it," Izzy snapped.

"No. Go ahead and get angry at me. At least you're feeling something."

"What? You want me to feel things? Fine! I loved Tim with my whole heart. I thought he was going to be with me for the rest of my life, to take care of me and love me, and I would take care of him. I thought we'd have children and grow old together. I thought I'd get to tease him that he was becoming more like his dad and he'd tease me about becoming more like Mom. I thought he'd make me chicken soup while I was sick one more time. I thought-" Izzy stopped. She realized she was crying. "I thought he'd never leave me like that."

Now Izzy cried in earnest. She hadn't even noticed how heavy her heart had felt since her dream, but she felt a weight coming off. Like she was washing the mud off and brushing all the dust away. As Izzy cried, she closed her eyes and thought she saw the last watchman watching her steadily. Silently, he handed her back her heart and Izzy took it. She went back to the sixth gate and slid her wedding ring back on her finger. She ran through the rest of the gates, pulling her clothes back on, sliding her watch upside down over her hand, dropping her necklace over her head, and hurrying to put the earrings back in her ears. She ran out of the cave and saw the world all around her light up with the sunrise.

Izzy fell to her knees and cried, letting herself feel again, and coming back to who she really was. No more would she live like she was dead. Tim wouldn't want that. And neither did Izzy.