Mr. Johnson's New Suit

Hello, reader. Last week, we analyzed The Emperor's New Clothes, so this week, I wrote a modern version of that story. I had a hard time thinking of a modern day emperor. Then I realized this could be much funnier in an office setting. Enter, Mr. Johnson and his snappy new suit. Enjoy!

An example of Mr. Johnson's uniform

Mr. Johnson was a high-ranking executive in his company. He could cut a deal as sharp as a knife. In the world of business, no one was more savvy than he was. Unfortunately, in the real world, he was as gullible as they came.

One day, he came into work wearing a button up shirt, a pair of boxers, socks and dress shoes.

"Good morning, Mr. Johnson," Gladys, the secretary, said uncertainly.

"Good morning, Gladys," Mr. Johnson replied with a smile. "What do you think of my new suit? Only people who are stupid or unfit for their post can't see it."

"I see," Gladys replied. "Do you have any client meetings today?"

"No, not today. I thought I'd try this out on the office first. Well, I'd better get to it." Smiling, Mr. Johnson headed to his office and Gladys sat at her desk, trying not to laugh. Most of the other executives were on summer vacation and without a client meeting, Gladys thought it best to leave well enough alone. These trends usually passed.

Unfortunately, Greg in accounting decided to play a joke. A week later, he wore a button up shirt, boxers, socks, and dress shoes to work.

"Greg, what are you doing?" Gladys asked him that morning.

"It's too hot to wear a suit to work every day," Greg said. "Besides, no one sees me anyway." Greg looked up. "Hello, Mr. Johnson. I got the same kind of suit you had!"

A range of expressions ran across Mr. Johnson's face. Greg had to try very hard to keep a straight face. "Huh," Mr. Johnson settled on. He walked away without saying anything else.

With a big smile on his face, Greg went to his desk.

The next day, almost every man in the office was wearing "Mr. Johnson's uniform". Once Gladys saw two men walking in like that, she gave up asking. As long as it stayed within the company, she reasoned, it was fine.

However, a few days later, a client wanted to see how the office worked and asked for a tour. The folks meeting with him tried to stop him, or put off the tour, but he insisted. Gladys found out and tried to warn everyone. Women pulled out their lap blankets from their desks so their male coworkers could use them. Some men just went to the bathroom. But it wasn't enough.

The client rounded a corner unexpectedly and stopped in his tracks. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?" he asked. He looked around. "Any of you? What kind of company is this?" He turned back to the people he'd been in the meeting with. "Consider our deal off. I don't want to work with an office like this!" He stormed out of the building.

Once he had driven away, those who had a back up suit in their car went and put it on. Those who didn't tried to spend the rest of the day at their desks.

And Mr. Johnson never wore his "special suit" again.