The Ugly Duckling

He doesn't look like a duck, but he's not ugly.

Greetings, reader. This week we finish up our Hans Christian Andersen streak with The Ugly Duckling. You are probably familiar with this story, but there's more to it than you might think, so go ahead and follow the link to read the story. Then continue with me below to analyze it.

I had no idea the protagonist suffered so much! He gets kicked out of his first home because he's ugly, and he's mocked for that for most of the rest of the story. The first place he runs to turns out not to be safe. At the second he's mocked for being who he is and not someone else. Then he nearly dies and lives in a winter of cold and depression. I list all of these things out because it likely mirrors the journey of any kid who leaves their home too early. Especially if they had to leave because they were different.

From the very beginning, we get the idea that this "ugly duckling" might not be the true child of his mother. He doesn't hatch at the same time as the rest and he looks different, although he's not a turkey. Then he's set apart by his looks and later by the things that make him happy. Even when he's taken in by the peasant's family, he thinks they're going to hurt him and gets in quite a mess because of that misunderstanding. He stands out as different the whole story and he's made to feel that his differences make him wrong. I'm sure we can all relate to that on some level. Andersen probably more than most, which is why he wrote the story this way.

Our protagonist feels a connection with swans from the first time he sees them, but his first interaction with them is asking for them to kill him. We need to spend a moment on that. This poor bird was so abused that he thought the only thing such magnificent birds would want to do with him was to put him out of his misery. I don't have words for this.

Fortunately, it turns out that our protagonist had been changing during his winter of depression and now he could recognize himself in these beautiful birds. Even beyond that, when some people saw him with the swans, they said he was the most beautiful of all of them. Once we had grown into himself and gotten with others who accepted him and were like him, he was finally happy. Now I'm not saying this is a metaphor for our lives, but that's exactly what I'm saying. Even if we seem different from everyone we know, there are always others like us somewhere. There's a reason we as a culture have hung onto this story for so long, even if we have taken the teeth out of it. To be fair, that's happened to pretty much all fairy tales.

So, the moral of this story is that even if you're different from everyone around you, you can still be beautiful and accepted. Alternatively, that duck needed to learn more about the world and realize she had hatched a baby swan. That would have made things so much easier.

Have a different moral? A fairy tale you'd like me to cover? Next month is Pride month, and I would love any suggestions for fairy tales or folk tales about LGBTQ folks. Those are pretty thin on the ground. If any of this fits, comment below!

Mr. Johnson's New Suit

Hello, reader. Last week, we analyzed The Emperor's New Clothes, so this week, I wrote a modern version of that story. I had a hard time thinking of a modern day emperor. Then I realized this could be much funnier in an office setting. Enter, Mr. Johnson and his snappy new suit. Enjoy!

An example of Mr. Johnson's uniform

Mr. Johnson was a high-ranking executive in his company. He could cut a deal as sharp as a knife. In the world of business, no one was more savvy than he was. Unfortunately, in the real world, he was as gullible as they came.

One day, he came into work wearing a button up shirt, a pair of boxers, socks and dress shoes.

"Good morning, Mr. Johnson," Gladys, the secretary, said uncertainly.

"Good morning, Gladys," Mr. Johnson replied with a smile. "What do you think of my new suit? Only people who are stupid or unfit for their post can't see it."

"I see," Gladys replied. "Do you have any client meetings today?"

"No, not today. I thought I'd try this out on the office first. Well, I'd better get to it." Smiling, Mr. Johnson headed to his office and Gladys sat at her desk, trying not to laugh. Most of the other executives were on summer vacation and without a client meeting, Gladys thought it best to leave well enough alone. These trends usually passed.

Unfortunately, Greg in accounting decided to play a joke. A week later, he wore a button up shirt, boxers, socks, and dress shoes to work.

"Greg, what are you doing?" Gladys asked him that morning.

"It's too hot to wear a suit to work every day," Greg said. "Besides, no one sees me anyway." Greg looked up. "Hello, Mr. Johnson. I got the same kind of suit you had!"

A range of expressions ran across Mr. Johnson's face. Greg had to try very hard to keep a straight face. "Huh," Mr. Johnson settled on. He walked away without saying anything else.

With a big smile on his face, Greg went to his desk.

The next day, almost every man in the office was wearing "Mr. Johnson's uniform". Once Gladys saw two men walking in like that, she gave up asking. As long as it stayed within the company, she reasoned, it was fine.

However, a few days later, a client wanted to see how the office worked and asked for a tour. The folks meeting with him tried to stop him, or put off the tour, but he insisted. Gladys found out and tried to warn everyone. Women pulled out their lap blankets from their desks so their male coworkers could use them. Some men just went to the bathroom. But it wasn't enough.

The client rounded a corner unexpectedly and stopped in his tracks. "Why aren't you wearing any pants?" he asked. He looked around. "Any of you? What kind of company is this?" He turned back to the people he'd been in the meeting with. "Consider our deal off. I don't want to work with an office like this!" He stormed out of the building.

Once he had driven away, those who had a back up suit in their car went and put it on. Those who didn't tried to spend the rest of the day at their desks.

And Mr. Johnson never wore his "special suit" again.

The Emperor's New Clothes

Nice underwear, your majesty.

Hello, reader! Carrying on with our streak of Hans Christian Andersen stories, this week, we'll look at The Emperor's New Clothes. So many people are at fault, but we only blame the emperor. Read the story above and continue with me below to analyze it.

First and foremost, I have to talk about these swindlers. What a clever plan! Most people don't want to look stupid, so if you claim that only stupid people can't see your fabric, then everyone will lie for you. I have to wonder if they've tried this scheme before and gotten away with it. It might have worked if the Emperor had only been in his palace or among adults while wearing these "clothes".

I also have to take a look at the Emperor's ministers. None of them were secure enough in their position to admit they didn't see the cloth. That's a little sad. I guess it just goes to show that anyone can have Imposter Syndrome. Including the Emperor. I wonder what would have happened if he said he didn't see anything when the "tailors" showed him their work. A dumber or more outspoken emperor would have demanded where the clothes were right away. If the tailors tried their crap with an emperor like that, they likely would have ended up in the dungeon. Especially when the emperor couldn't feel this "fabric" they made.

The moral of this story is not to let other people tell you that you're less than you are. Alternatively, don't trust a miracle worker without a great and legit reference or two.

Have a different moral? Confused how the emperor didn't notice his clothes didn't keep him warm? Want me to cover a different fairy tale? Comment below!

The Difference a Pea Makes

Hello, reader. A modern version of The Princess and the Pea was an interesting story to write. Most people don't just crash in a castle these days. I was thinking about setting this story in a hotel, but then I remembered that people will stay in a stranger's house. As long as that stranger is on the right app. Enjoy!

Imagine finding one of these under your mattress.

"Look like we've got a guest for the weekend."

Blake still wasn't sure how he felt about renting out their extra room occasionally, but it always seemed to go well. "Who is it?"

"Her name is Tiffany and she's just here for the weekend." Blake's mom showed him a picture of their guest on her phone.

"She's pretty cute," Blake said without thinking.

"Really?" his mom asked, looking at the picture again. She smiled and put her phone down.

"Mom. Don't do the mattress thing again."

"It's not a big deal," his mom replied. "Don't you want to know what kind of person she is?"

"That's why some people get to know each other before they actually start dating."

But she wasn't listening. She was already heading upstairs to move some mattresses around.

Blake rolled his eyes and picked up his mom's phone. Tiffany was pretty cute. Hopefully she would be a good guest. Blake checked the time and put his mom's phone back down. "Mom! I'm headed to work!" he yelled up the stairs.

"See you tonight, sweetie," she yelled back down.

It wasn't the best job, but it was just for the summer. And Blake had decided he would rather work retail than in fast food. So, he set out for work, wondering where they would put him today.

*

Friday came sooner than Blake thought it would. He noticed his mom grabbing a pea and sneaking upstairs with it. Blake rolled his eyes. Why she thought that it was important for his potential girlfriend to feel a pea through a stack of mattresses, he wasn't sure.

His mom had just come back downstairs, when there was a knock at the door. Blake's mom answered it and sure enough, Tiffany was walking into their house.

"Hi, I'm Tiffany. You must be Mrs. Burrows," she said, shaking Blake's mom's hand.

"You can call me Trish," she replied with a smile.

"And you must be Blake," Tiffany said, turning to him.

"That's me," Blake said, shaking her hand. She had nice hands.

"So, is the room upstairs?"

"Yes. Blake can show you the way."

Trying not to be annoyed with his mom playing matchmaker, Blake nodded and smiled. "Right this way. Up the stairs."

Tiffany chuckled and followed him up. When they got into the room, Tiffany set down her bag and stared at the bed. "How many mattresses is that?"

Blake winced. "Too many. They're all clean. We just...have a lot around."

"Huh." Tiffany shrugged. "Is there a bathroom up here too?"

Blake showed her to the bathroom and headed back downstairs. "Mom, really? I've never seen you use that many mattresses before. How did you even get them stacked up that high?"

His mom just smiled. "I have my ways."

Blake rolled his eyes and, eventually, Tiffany came back down the stairs. "Well, I've got to head over to my friend's place, but it was nice meeting the two of you."

"Have fun!" Trish said with a wave.

"See ya," Blake said as Tiffany left. He endured a little more teasing from his mom before it was time for Blake to go to work. He was working closing tonight, and he prayed no one would make a huge mess. Or wander in drunk.

Most of his night was pretty low-key. There were the usual girls headed to the bars, who always came in in giggling packs. Then the dudes headed to bars, who came in louder packs. Blake was facing the shelves after one of the packs of dudes had just cleared out, when he heard something from the next aisle over.

"Back off, creep. She said no."

Blake grimaced. Sometimes these things resolved themselves, but he listened to see if he needed to get involved.

"Sure, that's what she said, but did she mean it?"

Blake guessed the guy speaking was a hold-over from the pack of dudes who had left. He made his way over to the next aisle.

"Can I help you find anything?" Blake asked the guy. He gave the girls a quick look to see if they were okay and, with a start, recognized Tiffany. She looked great, although Blake had to guess the two girls were staying in tonight.

"Yeah," the guy said, guffawing. "This girl's number." He pointed to Tiffany.

Tiffany's friend edged in front of her.

Blake had to think quickly. "Did you come in here with some friends? They all just left."

"They left without me?" The guy looked annoyed. He turned to Tiffany. "Maybe I'll see you later."

Tiffany rolled her eyes and Blake quietly followed the guy to make sure he left. Then he mosied back over to Tiffany and her friend.

"Are you two all right?" Blake asked.

"Yeah. Thanks, Blake," Tiffany replied with a small smile.

"You know him?" Tiffany's friend asked.

"Kind of," Tiffany replied.

Blake smiled back at her. "If you need anything, let me know. That guy left, but I'll make sure he doesn't come back in."

As he was walking away, he heard Tiffany's friend say, "You've been in town for five minutes and you already met a cute guy? And didn't tell me?"

Blake couldn't help but smile as he headed to a different aisle.

As he hoped, no one made a huge mess in the store that night, so closing didn't take as long as it could have. Once they finally counted all of the money from the registers, they were all free to go home.

Blake headed back home and went straight to his room and shut the door. If his mom was trying to sleep, he didn't want to wake her up.

The next day, Blake stumbled into the kitchen just in time to hear his mom say, "And how did you sleep last night?"

Blake almost answered when he heard Tiffany reply. "To be honest, I was a little afraid of falling off of those mattresses, so I moved the top one to the floor and slept on that one. Once I did that, I slept fine."

"Really?"

Blake could tell his mom was pleased. It was time to make an entrance before she did anything else weird.

"Good morning," Blake said, walking into the dining room.

"Good morning," Tiffany replied with a smile. "So, you work at the corner store?"

Blake shrugged. "Just for the summer. Once school starts, I'm headed back to Boston."

"Really? That's where I live."

Blake noticed his mom unobtrusivly leaving the room. "That's cool. It's a great city."

"Yeah. I mean, I live in the suburbs, but I work in the city, so I'm there all the time." Tiffany had a thought. "Hey, let me give you my phone number. It might be nice to have another friend in Boston."

"Totally," Blake replied with a smile. He saved her as a contact and texted her his name.

"Thanks," Tiffany replied. "Are you working tonight?"

"No, it's my day off."

"My friend and I are planning on having a movie night and inviting a few people. Do you want to come?"

"Sure," Blake replied, trying not to get too excited.

"Great. I'll text you the address." Tiffany got up and put her empty bowl in the sink. "I've got to help her get ready, but I'll see you tonight."

"See you tonight," Blake echoed as Tiffany headed out the door.

"See?" Trish asked, once Tiffany was gone.

"What?"

"The mattresses."

"She didn't feel the pea. Did you really put a vegetable under a mattress?"

Trish waved away his question. "It was about how she would react. She was smart and fixed the problem before it became one. And you two hit it off so well. I told you it works."

Blake opened his mouth to explain to his mom, but he decided against it. "Sure, mom," he replied instead.

Princess and the Pea Again

I have to assume the princess is holding the squished remains of a pea.

Hello, reader. We seem to be starting a Hans Christian Andersen streak. This week's story, The Princess and the Pea was also written by him. I already analyzed this story on my blog, but it was worth looking at again.

Last time, I looked at the prince, but I never considered that he might not want to marry. That could be the reason that none of the girls was "truly a princess" whatever that means. Maybe he just wasn't interested, or maybe he was more interested in someone else. For whatever reason, he turned down every single girl he came across.

I think it's also important to note that he did all of this turning down of girls far from home. The only time that we see a girl go to his castle, he ended up marrying her. His mom seems to be on board with him only marrying a "true princess", but maybe she was getting a little tired of this charade and added more than a pea to those mattresses.

Alternatively, maybe the prince's father, the old king did something to make sure they would be married. The only thing he does in the story is open the gate when the princess knocks. It's pretty remarkable that a queen, who is not an evil stepmother, has more influence on the story than a king. But maybe the king had a big influence behind the scenes.

Finally, I've already addressed whether or not this girl is a princess (we really have no idea), but I have to wonder what brought her to the castle that night. Did she know about the prince's quest and she came to put an end to his search? Was she really just passing through and had no idea about any of this? As with most fairy tales, we aren't given a lot of detail or inner look into people's minds, so it's impossible to say. Hopefully she knew what she was getting into with this prince. If his wife had to be a "true princess", I wonder what else in his life had to be perfect.

The moral of this story is not to have ridiculous and nebulous expectations, or it will take much longer than it needs to to meet them. Alternatively, make sure someone in your house has your back when you're being crazy.

Have a different moral? Annoyed that the prince would marry a princess with no retinue? Have a fairy tale you want me to talk about? Comment below!