Peach Kid

Greetings, reader. Last week, we looked at the story of Momotaro, a fairy tale from Japan about a boy who was born for greatness and gets there by killing the demons with the help of three brave animals. Read on for my modern interpretation of this story.

You'd never know this dog was actually a fairy.

I am usually referred to as a fairy, when people realize I'm not the old lady they thought they were helping. I don't do very much of that anymore, though. People have put their faith in technology instead of magic and I don't see the need to remind them of what they've forgotten. To be fair, it's amazing what they've been able to do, but back in my heyday, I could have done more with a wave of my wand.

Most recently, I've been following the journey of a young boy who was born from a peach. He's one of the few truly magical creatures to be raised by humans these days, and it's been interesting to see how that has gone for them. It's just lucky for the parents that he's a good kid at heart, or they would have had a much harder time raising him. I knew he was going to do something extraordinary, so I waited to see if it was something I wanted to help with. For awhile, his dearest wish seemed to be becomming a muppet, but as the years passed, he grew to care more about justice and fairness. Soon enough, he was talking about conquering the demons that run the world.

Finally, one day he set out to a place no GPS could take him and no cell signal could reach him. Perfect. I decided to appear before him as a dog. They were still supposed to be man's best friend, after all, and the thought of cracking some demon heads was too tempting to resist. My fur was black to better use the element of surprise in the upcoming battle, and I was strong.

"Hello," the boy greeted me. "What should I call you?"

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised he knew what I was despite my disguise. "Call me Spot," I said. It was as good of a name as any.

"But you don't have any spots," he objected.

I sighed and a spot appeared on my neck, leading down to my chest.

"Perfect," he said with a smile. "Call me Jimmy."

This boy was going to destroy the demons of the world and he wanted me to call him Jimmy. I nodded and tried not to show my disappointment. He was still young, after all.

We were traveling in a forest. It didn't matter which one because Jimmy had been able to step beyond the forest most humans find into the continuous forest that combined all of them. It also included some land that used to be forest, so you had to watch your step or you could be run over by an angry cow. As we walked, I had to wonder if Jimmy knew where he was going. I didn't know where the demons lived, or I might have tried this years ago. Still, it was probably better to attempt something like this in a group.

I had barely finished thinking that when a monkey swung down from one of the trees. He was a spirit that lived in the continuous forest and managed to avoid most of the human forests. His kind had avoided humans as they had grown and were unrepentant tricksters. My hackles rose before I realized it. What business could he have with Jimmy?

"Calm down," the monkey said to me. "I want to help."

"Jimmy, you have to be careful," I instructed. "His kind is known for trickery."

"My kind," the monkey chittered. "Big words when there's not many of us left." He turned to Jimmy. "Let me come with you. These demons are hurting my people as much as they are hurting yours. I promise I will help you as much as I can in your quest."

I growled a little, but hung my head, defeated.

Jimmy laughed. "Ok. What do I call you, monkey?"

"Bobo," he said at once.

Jimmy laughed, but I shook myself, trying to get my hackles to go back down. Just because Jimmy liked this didn't mean I had to.

As we traveled further into the forest, I knew we would meet someone else. These things always happen in threes, you see. Sure enough, a pheasant scurried out of the undergrowth and bowed before Jimmy.

"What do I call you?" Jimmy asked.

The bird was taken aback, but that didn't surprise me. His kind was flighty enough even before they turned into birds. "Bill," he said quickly.

I stared at him, and my head angled to the side before I could stop it. It was a confusing name for a bird.

"I'm Jimmy," the boy said, like he talked to pheasants every day. I eyed the bird, but decided not to object. If I did manage to drive him away, we might get stuck with someone even worse.

As we journeyed on, the forest got darker and less cheerful. Jimmy produced a peach from thin air. He mutely offered it to each of us. I declined. I might not actually be a dog, but it didn't do to take chances with food that could hurt them. Jimmy snacked on several peaches, dropping the pits behind him as we walked.

When we passed a particular tree, Jimmy bent down and picked up a branch. A breath later, it turned into a sword. It seemed we were getting close. After a moment, I stopped short, my nose working. The demons were just ahead. My hackles went up, and I just stopped myself from growling.

"What is our battle plan?" I asked Jimmy quietly.

Jimmy looked at me. "Beat them," he said firmly.

Great idea. I gave a doggish shrug and followed behind him. We passed into the next clearing and there they were. They weren't expecting us, so the beginning of the attack was easy. I plunged in headfirst. Bobo took to the trees and jumped onto a few heads. Bill dove at them from above. We took care of quite a few demons before I noticed Jimmy had walked right up to their leader and was fighting him.

"This will be a battle to remember," I thought, attacking with renewed vigor.

Then, from out of nowhere, another dog appeared on the battlefield. This was a regular dog. When she saw Jimmy, she barked and began bounding over to him. From far away, I could hear a woman calling, "Jimmy! Come inside for dinner!"

"Oh," Jimmy said. "I'd better go home." He managed to stun the lead demon and ran off the battlefield, his dog following faithfully at his heels. I caught a glimpse of Bobo swinging away through the trees. Bill took off into the air.

Annoyed, I made my way out of the battle and disappeared. Fairies can do that, of course. "The boy is still a child," I thought, drifting away. "Maybe in a few years he'll come back and we can defeat the demons for good." That was the boy's destiny. I could only hope to be there when he finally fulfilled it.

Momotaro

It's a pretty intimidating crew.

Hello, reader. This week's fairy tale comes to us from Japan. Momotaro is a story about a teenager and some animals taking on a stronghold of demons. Click the link to read the story and then continue with me below to analyze it.

I suppose any woman who wants a child should go down to the river every day. Seems like a legit way to get a kid to adopt, although this is the first story I've read where the baby comes out of a piece of fruit. I wonder if they ate that fruit after Momotaro came out of it.

It is very brave of Momotaro to go fight the demons, but I have to wonder how he heard about them. It seems like he travels a long way over land and about as far over sea before he gets to their stronghold. How did some rural kid hear about these demons all the way up there? Is that why he was sent on the river in a peach? To defeat the demons years later? It's also fortunate that Momotaro knew exactly where to find them. Although, maybe he didn't, and that's why the trip took so long.

An interesting departure from the usual story is that Momotaro doesn't do something nice for his animal friends to get their loyalty. Typically in fairy tales, the hero saves an animal's life before it will help him. In this story, Momotaro is pretty rude to the animals and they are begging him to go with and fight the demons. Maybe there is something special about Momotaro after all.

Finally, when Momotaro brings home two daughters of lords, he doesn't marry either one. This is very different from the Grimm fairy tales we're familiar with. In those stories, most happily ever afters come from marrying royalty. In this story, Momotaro doesn't marry a daughter of a lord, or a humble peasant girl he'd fallen in love with, or anyone else. He set out to defeat the demons and that's all he wanted to do. I dig it.

The moral of this story is if you're a demon and a bird shows up and tells you some kid named "Peach son" is going to take over your stronghold, you'd better get ready for a fight. Alternatively, if you want a son who is chosen for some larger destiny, get a kid from the river.

Liked this story? Have a different moral? Have a story you want me to talk about? Comment below!

What Comes Out When You Speak

Last week, we talked about the story Diamonds and Toads. This week, I wrote a modern version of that fairy tale. By the way, if you haven't read The Fairy's Mistake by Gail Carson Levine, you really should. It's based on the same fairy tale, and it's pretty great.

I also have to thank the creator of Toad Words for some inspiration.

Imagine spitting all of these out before lunch.

Grace's arms hurt from the bags she was carrying and it was hot. "The car isn't that much farther," she told herself, thinking about the cold bottle of water she'd gotten herself from a vending machine. That would make her feel better. Grace came to a corner and had to stop and wait for the light to change.

"Any spare change?" a woman asked her.

Grace looked at the woman. She looked homeless. It had to be miserable standing out here in the heat like that. "No," Grace told her, "but I have a cold bottle of water you can have."

"Okay," the woman said, cautiously.

"She needs it more than me," Grace told herself as she handed it over.

The woman cracked open the lid and drank deeply. "Thank you for your kindness," she said.

"You're welcome," Grace said. The crossing signal flicked on. "Goodbye."

Grace made it to the car and put the bags in the trunk. "Of course they couldn't come get their own clothes from downtown," Grace muttered as she started the car. She tensed.

Was that a tooth in her mouth? Was she spontaneously losing teeth? She was just a teenager! Horrified, Grace spat it out. It was not a tooth. It was a red stone. It shone in the light. "Pretty," Grace breathed. There it was again. Confused, Grace spit another hard lump into her palm. This stone was purple. Grace slowly put the rocks in the cup holder and backed out of her parking space.

The whole way home, Grace didn't sing along to anything on the radio. She was terrified of what would come out of her mouth next. When she got home, Grace pulled the car into the garage and grabbed the bags from the back. After a moment of debate, she pocketed the stones.

Grace slid into the house, dropped the clothing on the table, and headed up to her room. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Grace pulled the rocks out of her pocket and pulled out her phone. She tried searching spitting out rocks, but most of the results she got were about fish.

"Did it really happen?" Grace asked out loud. Sure enough, another rock appeared in her mouth. This one was green. Grace hid in her room until dinner, but she had to come out and face her family sometime.

They had meatloaf that night. Grace sat in the middle of the table so she could reach everything, but her sister, Liz, seemed to purposely keep the meatloaf away from her. Finally, Grace had to ask, "Can you pass me the meatloaf?"

Grace could feel the rock fall out of her mouth and it clattered on her plate.

"What was that?" her mother asked.

"Nothing," Grace said, quickly.

"There it is again!" Liz said, standing up.

There was one red and one green stone on Grace's plate.

"What on Earth is that?" their mother asked.

"They're rocks!" Liz said, grabbing Grace's plate and taking the stones.

"Hey!" Grace protested. She caught the stone as it fell and put it in her pocket.

"Are you eating rocks?" Liz asked disdainfully.

"I'm sure she's not eating rocks," their mother replied.

Grace said nothing. She didn't know what was happening to her and she didn't like it.

"Why are you spitting out rocks?" their mother asked.

Grace said nothing.

"Are these real?" Liz asked, incredulous. "Are you spitting out gemstones?!"

If anyone would think this was something to be jealous of, it would be Liz. Grace shrugged.

"What happened to you downtown?!" their mother asked.

Grace shrugged.

"Grace Louise! What happened?"

Grace sighed. "I picked up your clothes from the store, just like you said. On the way back to the car, I gave a homeless woman a bottle of water. This started once I got to the car." Several gems dropped to the floor and Grace just let them go. Liz dropped to the floor and gathered them up.

"A homeless woman?" their mother asked. "Why did you give her water?"

"I didn't have any cash," Grace replied.

Their mother was about to say something, and then changed her mind. "Where did you see her?"

"About a block from the store."

Liz grabbed that stone before Grace could see what color it was.

"Liz, grab one of our bottles of water and go downtown."

"What? Why?" Usually, Liz got out of doing anything just by asking.

"Because maybe this will happen to you too," their mother replied.

"Why don't you go?" Liz asked, sulking.

"Don't be silly. A woman my age can't start spitting out gemstones. Now go!"

Grumbling, Liz got up and did as she was told.

As they hard the car back out of the garage, their mother turned back to Grace. "So, Grace, how has your day been?"

Grace knew her mom just wanted her to talk. "Fine," she said, pocketing the stone.

"Grace, you have to give me a little more detail."

Grace sighed.

*

Liz parked the car and scowled. Just because Grace got something crazy happen to her, their mom wanted it to happen to Liz too. "It's not fair. We're different people," Liz thought. "I'm not just a younger version of Grace."

Still grumbling, Liz got out of the car and started walking. When she got to the corner where Grace had met the homeless woman, there was no one there. "Of course," Liz muttered. Still her mom would be mad if she didn't try to find that woman. So, Liz started walking. Couldn't they leave well enough alone? They could be rich even of only one daughter was a gem mine. Liz would rather be out of the spotlight anyway.

Up ahead, a woman was having trouble with all of the bags she was carrying. Liz didn't really notice until the woman dropped a bag in front of Liz. "Hey!" Liz replied, almost stepping on it. "Watch where you're going!"

"Sorry," the woman said, bending down slowly to pick up the bag without dropping anything else. Liz shook her head and stepped around her.

After walking awhile longer, Liz gave up. "I'm never going to find her," Liz muttered, heading back to the car. That was when she felt something funny in her mouth. Maybe this was what the gems felt like. Eagerly, Liz held up her hand and spit out the strange thing. A spider landed on her hand. "What the hell!?" Liz yelled. Then she had to open her mouth again as a frog hopped out. Liz screamed and a swarm of flying bugs shot out.

Clamping her lips shut, Liz ran to the car and started driving home. What had happened to her?

*

Grace had been waiting for a long time for Liz to get back. She was tired of talking and had run out of things to say. Besides, she wanted to eat. Finally, they heard the car pull into the garage. Liz walked into the house crying.

"Oh boy," Grace thought.

"What happened?" their mother asked, running over to hug Liz.

Liz shook her head. Then she pulled out her phone and began texting.

"Talk to me," their mother said. Then her phone vibrated. "Why did you text me?" she asked Liz.

Liz said nothing.

Their mother sighed and opened the text. "What do you mean it all went wrong? Now you won't talk? Why not?"

Liz texted her mom again.

Grace was confused. What had Liz done?

"You spat out a spider?!" Their mother could get really loud when she was upset. "That's it. We're going to the doctor."

"They're probably closed," Grace said. Her pockets were completely full of these stupid stones.

"Then we'll go to the emergency room! We need to see a doctor now!"

Grace ran up to her room to hide her gems and grab her purse. Then, they all got in the car and their mom started driving. "Can't believe such a thing would happen to my girls," their mother said. She talked to herself the whole drive. Grace felt bad for her. Still, she was the one who made Liz go back downtown.

Grace's phone went off and she looked down. Liz had texted her. "Guess I messed everything up again."

Grace was about to turn around and say something, but she didn't want their mom to be part of this conversation. Instead, she texted back. "It wasn't your idea to go back downtown."

"Yah, but I was rude to some lady. Must have been the same lady who made you a gem mine."

"Did she seem crazy?" Grace texted back. "Cause this is ridiculous."

Liz laughed in the back seat. Luckily, nothing else came out of her mouth.

Soon enough, their mother was marching into the ER with Grace and Liz trailing behind. "We need to see a doctor now!" their mother cried.

The nurse looked up at the three apparently healthy women. "Which one of you is sick?" she asked.

Liz shrugged and stepped up. "I am," she said. "I've got a tickle in the back of my throat and all these bugs keep coming out." A few moths, some ants, and a snake came out of her mouth.

The nurse and their mother screamed. Grace was impressed. Liz seemed calm about the whole thing. Grace texted her quickly. "Used to it already?"

Liz saw the text, shrugged and then nodded.

The nurse rushed them into a room. "I'll get the doctor, just don't say anything until they get here," she asked.

Liz gave a thumbs up and a smile. When the nurse left, she started laughing. Grace joined in. It was all so ridiculous. If someone had told her this had happened to her friend, she would never have believed them.

A short time later, a doctor walked in the room. "Hello," she said, looking at Liz. "I'm Dr. Sias. I understand you're...expelling pests when you talk, is that correct?"

"That's right," Liz said. A spider fell out of her mouth, onto the floor, and skittered away.

The doctor's eyes were huge. "I thought they were pulling my leg. Is it the same kind of insect every time you talk?"

"Nope," Liz said and a toad hopped out of her mouth and out the door.

"Interesting," the doctor said. "Did this just start today?"

"Yup," Liz replied. A snake coiled on the ground neatly at her feet.

Their mother made a strangled kind of sound.

"Do you have any idea what could be causing this?" Dr. Sias asked.

"Magic," Grace said, because no one else would. She caught the gem on a reflex now.

"I'm sorry. Did you say magic?" the doctor asked, turning to Grace.

"I did," Grace replied, catching the next stone.

"Wait. What was that?" Dr. Sias held out her hand. Grace dropped the stone into it. "Good Lord," Dr. Sias said, examining it. "Is this real?"

"Maybe," Grace replied, grabbing the next stone.

Mystified, Dr. Sias handed the gem back to her. She turned to their mother. "Does anything come out of your mouth when you talk?"

"No," their mother replied, almost in tears. "Please. What can you do for my girls?"

"I guess she figured this was too weird to profit off of any more," Grace thought.

"Well," Dr. Sias grabbed a tongue depressor from a container and turned to Liz. "Open your mouth and say, 'Ah,'."

Liz shrugged and did as she was told. One moment, there was just her mouth, the next, a few ants were crawling on the tongue depressor toward Dr. Sias' hand.

"I'm not sure I can do anything," Dr. Sias said. She turned to Grace. "I suppose we should check you as well." Dr. Sias got a new tongue depressor and threw away the old one.

Grace opened her mouth and said, "Ah." A large stone rolled down the tongue depressor and fell to the side.

"Well, you just spat out a diamond from nowhere." Dr. Sias shook her head. "I can't do anything for you, but I do recommend you both learn sign language. I would imagine you wouldn't want to talk as much now."

Grace nodded. That was a great idea.

"You can't do anything for them?" their mother asked, on the verge of hysterics.

"I'm not sure what I would try," Dr. Sias said. "If your daughter is right, this is magic. Frankly, I can't see what else could be causing this. It's certainly not a trick." She looked down at the snake that was still in front of Liz's feet. "You're welcome to follow up with their primary doctor in the morning."

Their mother looked like she was about to fight it. Then she deflated. "Thank you," she said instead. "Come on girls, let's go home."

*

Their lives changed drastically after that. Liz and Grace started learning sign language together. That also meant their mother had to learn it so she could understand them. Their schools ended up adding a sign language intrepreter for them after Liz spat out a python in math class. In history class, Grace realized that just like how the Spanish found large amounts of gold in America and soon saw the cost for gold sink dangerously low, she would do the same to gems. She took a vow of silence.

After they graduated, Grace went on to study linguistics and psychology. She ended up being one of the world's best negotiators. She and her intrepreter began a craze for learning sign language, so when Grace wasn't negotiating, she was traveling to schools and telling her story in ASL while her intrepreter spoke.

Liz did not take a vow of silence. She began studying animals and learned how to identify everything that came out of her mouth. Then she began to figure out what sounds produced what kind of creature. She helped repopulate some areas and occasionally, she was able to speak and produce an endangered species. Privately, Liz thought she got off better than Grace, but she never told her so, which was just as well because Grace thought she got the better deal.

Diamonds and Toads

Now imagine that just came out of your mouth.

Hello, reader. This week's story comes to us from France. Diamonds and Toads is a story about two sisters and a fairy. Also, spoilers, one of the sisters marries a prince.

It's interesting what this story does with appearances, or, what it almost does. We have the beautiful younger daughter whose words literally become pearls and the older daughter whose harsh words become vermin. I would like the parallel better if the younger sister weren't already pretty and the older sister already ugly, or at least not beautiful. With the fairy's spell, she's letting what they're like on the inside come out. But we could already tell that just by looking at them. I know the good, younger daughter almost has to be beautiful, but still...

The sisters aside, what happened to their father? We know he was sweet and kind, because the younger daughter had that in common with him, but that's all we know about him. Why did he marry such a mean woman? What happened to him? Did he die or is he just conveniently on a journey for this whole story? I would assume he wouldn't let his wife turn either of their daughters out of the house if he were there. Maybe it's just the dramatist in me, but since we know nothing about him, I assume he died. It makes the story simpler, anyway.

I have another question. Wouldn't the younger daughter cause the price for these precious gems to plummet because they were now super plentiful? Gems are so expensive partially because they're so rare and difficult to get. Now the princess makes gems and flowers every time she talks. You do the math on how quickly her fortune would be worth nothing. Maybe she mostly drops semi-precious stones with only a few diamonds here and there, but that would still make them worth very little after awhile. For the good of the kingdom, they'd have to hide away most of the gems she spat out and never let on they existed. This prince brought a troubling bride home.

While we're on the subject, it's also interesting that the youngest daughter would marry the prince right away. I have to assume she didn't realize how much power she could have with the gem mine in her mouth. She was alone in the world, which was a terrible state for a woman to be in at that time, but she could have built up her own fortune and security. Instead, she chose to marry a prince she barely knew. I suppose I'm also assuming that he gave her a choice in marrying him. What peasant girl would say no to that? Troubling.

The moral of this story is to think through your actions before you make them because that could have saved both sisters a lot of grief. Alternatively, if you're suddenly spitting something strange out of your mouth, make sure you can profit off of it.